Did you ever go on a “trust walk” when you were young?
If you missed that terrifying experience, imagine the anxiety of being matched with someone in a team-building activity, blindfolded, and led around an obstacle course.
If you were lucky, you were matched with a friend who you could trust not to let you fall. But you might get matched with a stranger—or worse yet—someone mean who would not guide you to miss obstacles in your path.
Even scarier, “trust falls” require the participant to fall back and trust their partner will catch them!
Think of your relationship like a trust walk or trust fall. Are you there to gently guide your partner, catch them when they fall, and have their backs?
What the research says
Lack of support is a deal breaker, concludes clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, who has worked with couples for 30+ years. She has found that emotionally fulfilling relationships make us healthier, both mentally and physically. When partners truly have each other’s backs, they thrive and their love blossoms.
Whether your partner is expressing sadness, uncertainty, or excitement, you can respond in a way that brings you closer.
Key takeaways
Here are a few ways to be an amazing trust walk partner:
Listening: Look them in the eyes as you listen, nod, paraphrase, and most importantly -- show genuine interest in what they are saying. They’ll feel supported if you say, “that makes sense” or “I can see why you feel that way.”
Physical support: Depending on your partner’s preference, they might appreciate a hug or a hand squeeze. If you don’t know what kind of physical support they need in the moment, just ask.
Spiritual support: If you are spiritual people, your partner might appreciate an offer to pray with or for them.
Giving space: Some people like to process their feelings alone. If so, support your partner in finding quiet time and a space without distractions. You could offer to run a bath or prepare them a beverage. Ask how much time they need and check in later.
Parent rescue: Offering to watch the kids or make dinner are crowd favorites! Your teammate in parenting will always appreciate your efforts to offload something from their plate.
Watch out for
Support means demonstrating care for your partner while honoring your own boundaries. Women are especially prone to sacrificing for their loved ones while not realizing they have needs too.
This is where your friends and family members can help. Make sure you build an extended community so your partner is not the only one you turn to when you need help. Try texting a friend, journaling, taking a walk, listening to a podcast, or working out. Therapy is good too!
Avoid problem solving
Support is not fixing the problem. When your partner describes their terrible day, it isn’t helpful to say, “did you try…?” or “what you should have done was…”
When your partner shares their feelings, ask them what they hope to get out of the conversation. Empathy? Advice? Another perspective? Perhaps they just want to be seen and heard.
Putting it into practice
What can you do to have your partner’s back? Ask what kind of support your partner likes and remember to be a good listener. Think about ways you can ramp up your physical, emotional, and spiritual support whenever you can. It will make your partnership rock solid!
