Why Sex is Good for You—and How to Make It Better
Cameron loves to have her back scratched, while Kendall cannot tolerate it. Instead, Kendall loves it when Cameron rubs his back.
Jade gets turned on by slow, deep kisses, while Aaliyah loves to slow dance in the living room before they are intimate.
Each one of us has our own erogenous zones (parts of the body sensitive to sexual stimulation), and it’s your partner’s fun responsibility to discover where they are!
What the research says
Extensive research proves that human touch offers amazing emotional and physical health benefits. Our need for touch begins as soon as we’re born, like with baby Emma. As adults we benefit greatly from intimate touch.
Did you know sex is healthy for you? Here’s how, according to a 2016 research study:
Relieves stress and pain
Improves sleep
Boosts immune system
Reduces prostate cancer risks
Reduces blood pressure and cardiovascular risks and improves bladder control for women
Improves well-being and mental health
Counts as exercise!
Not having sex regularly can have negative benefits, too. During the Covid-19 pandemic, researchers learned those who lacked intimate touch are more likely to be lonely and anxious.
According to a study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, couples feel more committed to each other if they have good sex at least once a week. And couples who compliment each other tend to have higher levels of sexual satisfaction (remember the Appreciation Love Skill!).
Problems with sex
Unfortunately, some people—often women—have a difficult time enjoying sex. It could be from childhood trauma or sexual abuse or simply shame from the cultural messages women receive about sexuality. For example:
Over half of women find it difficult to express what they want in bed. Women who can say the word “clitoris” are more likely to be sexually satisfied!
Nearly a quarter of women experienced pain the last time they had sex.
If a woman does not feel attractive, she can have lower sexual self-esteem, which often makes her avoid sex.
If one of you does not enjoy sex, getting professional help can vastly improve your relationship.
How communication can improve your sex life
If your partner does not find sex enjoyable, here are a few things to try:
Talk about it. Are both of you satisfied with the frequency and quality of your sex? Discuss how you can improve your intimacy. Here are three ways to get more comfortable asking for what you want, including a do-it-yourself sex ed kit!
Build up anticipation. Touch intimately without sex to build up sexual desire. Tell your partner how much you love their body. Talk about how this makes you feel.
Partners of women, learn what turns them on. A study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found women appreciate feelings of closeness and being viewed as attractive and desirable. For specific tips, read How to Turn a Woman On According to Science by sex educator Dr. Kaye Smith.
If you’re straight, learn about the orgasm gap. Although 95 percent of straight men orgasm almost every time they have sex, only 65 percent of straight women do. (Queer relationships don’t experience this same gap.) Researchers found that just learning about this gap improved people’s sex lives!
Cindy Gallop, founder of Make Love Not Porn said “Everything great in life and business is born out of great communication. Sex is no different.”
Here’s your challenge, if you haven’t already conquered this task: Find your partner’s erogenous zone and fix that orgasm gap! Start by asking what turns your partner on.
