Have you ever seen a baby take their first steps? Their parents praise and encourage them to toddle across the room. Babies and small children soak up the approval of their parents and other caregivers, their faces beaming from the praise.
On the other hand, have you ever worked for a boss who didn’t seem to appreciate anything you did? It seemed like no matter how hard you try, they were critical and demeaning. It made you feel totally crummy.
What the research says
As humans, we are hardwired to crave appreciation. Psychotherapist and social worker Marcia Naomi Berger explains that feeling valued and appreciated are basic human needs.
As the author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted, Berger says appreciation helps us be our best selves. It puts us in touch with the same center of the brain of that waddling one-year-old. Regular appreciation from your partner also prepares you for facing the tough times together.
Berger believes the secret of relationship success is finding a partner who makes us feel the best about ourselves. Bring on the appreciation!
Just like those babies learning to walk, when we receive praise, we want to repeat our behavior. And receiving a compliment from someone also makes us like and appreciate them more. Add to that a person we love, and whose love and respect we crave, and bingo!
Putting it into practice
Berger recommends holding weekly meetings for partners to check in with each other on their relationship but cautions that appreciation should not wait for those meetings. If you aren't great at it, or your partner isn’t great, don’t despair. Our app will give you more opportunities and tools to improve your appreciation skills and become a pro!
Berger advises partners to express appreciation daily. “If a pipe bursts or if a chore needs to be done immediately, you don’t wait for your marriage meeting to call a plumber or to arrange how to handle the pressing task.”
Don’t wait until your house is flooded. Tell your partner what you love about them now. Go, baby, go!
