Quality time gets you off your phones and paying attention to your partner. Think back to all the romantic quality time you got when you were first dating. Years later, you might need to be more intentional. Here are three examples of how to do that:
1. Share meaningful moments
Thanking your partner for having your back. Cuddling in bed. Giving each other compliments. Texting your partner to share your sex dream. Meaningful moments are when we show up fully in our relationship. They open the door to connection, and the more sensations involved, the better!
There’s nothing wrong with planning meaningful moments, even sex. The Our.Love app will help you get them on your calendar!
What the research shows: A Penn State University study found that everyday experiences of connection are more important than occasional grand gestures when it comes to lasting love.
You can create what Dr. John Gottman calls “rituals of connection.” For example:
Leave sticky notes around the house telling your partner why you love them.
Laugh together. Researchers at the University of North Carolina discovered that laughing together strengthens relationships.
Give your partner a six-second kiss. (Dr. Gottman believes six-second kisses could be key to improving relationships.)
Surprise each other…perhaps fill your partner’s car with gas, do an item on the “honey do-list,” or buy flowers.
2. Go on great dates
The more meaningful moments you have throughout the week, the better your dates will be! What’s the difference between a date and a great date? The three Ps:
Presence: Give your partner your undivided attention.
Persistence: If your date encounters a hiccup, be flexible. Maybe the food sucks, the conversation stalls, or you have a disagreement. Be patient, apologize if needed, and give each other grace.
Playfulness: Create a space for the two of you. Remember what brought you together as a couple. Relax, let go, and enjoy your partner!
3. Plan peak experiences
For many couples, vacations and adventures are the best sources of quality time. What shared activities bring you fulfillment? Perhaps it’s an amazing meal, a huge concert or game, accomplishing a shared goal, volunteering, singing in a choir or playing sports, or checking an item off your bucket list. Peak experiences are about living a purposeful life together.
Put it into practice:
What activities do you and your partner both enjoy? Discuss your favorite meaningful moments, great dates, and peak experiences. Which of the activities on your list make you feel connected to each other and why? How can you create more of them?
In the coming month, go on a great date and start planning a peak experience. Surprise your partner with some meaningful moments. Your love is worth it!
