How many of us have wished for an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter received from Albus Dumbledore? It’s tempting to want to retreat sometimes and not have to share what’s going on in our minds.
Being in love requires us to take off our invisibility cloaks. Underneath the cloak is our vulnerability.
What the research says
Before Dr. Brene Brown burst onto the scene, most people were not talking about vulnerability. Before 2010, she was an obscure academic. Then she shared the ground-breaking research she’d been doing on vulnerability and shame at a small TEDx event in 2010. When it went viral, she was actually horrified…because she shared her own vulnerability in that talk and didn’t think it would go much farther than the audience.
We all know how her risk of being vulnerable turned out! Brown has written six number-one New York Times bestselling books, hosts two podcasts, and has filmed a lecture for Netflix. She also has 27 employees and a net worth of $5 million. That vulnerability paid off for her!
Brown believes vulnerability is one of our greatest strengths, because it requires great bravery to take off that invisibility cloak.
"What most of us fail to understand...is that vulnerability is also the cradle of the emotions and experiences that we crave," says Dr. Brown. "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy courage, empathy, and creativity."
Key takeaways
Vulnerability comes down to three letters: ARE. The more vulnerable we can be with those we love, the more Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged they can be with us.
Taking off your cloak of invisibility is another way of asking:
ARE you there for me? Can I count on you?
Do I matter to you?
Do you see me, know me, understand me?
Harry felt safe taking off his cloak around his loved ones. He put it on only when he needed to protect himself. Can we be brave enough to be truly ourselves around our partners without any need to hide?
When we feel safe, we can take risks in business, education, and in all areas of life. We know we have a safe place to land if we fail. We can grow and learn from our successes and our failures. We can give and receive love freely.
Putting it into practice
We all need to be seen without our invisibility cloaks. We need to know we matter. We need to know our partners will be there for us.
Here is the big dilemma we all face: “I can only see you if you are to be seen. I can only know you if you are to be known.”
How Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged are you and your partner? Do you reveal yourselves to one another, during the good times and the bad?
Give it some thought. Tune in and reach out. The risk just might be worth it!
