Jesse and Reece have been married for 12 years. Each Friday they hire a babysitter so they can go out to dinner, phones down, and discuss how their week went. Once a year they go to the beach for a weekend so they can focus on rediscovering why they fell in love with each other in the first place.
How do you speak love?
After working with couples for many years, Dr. Gary Chapman came up with five ways partners express and experience love, or “love languages”:
Acts of service
Gift-giving
Physical touch
Quality time
Words of affirmation
If you don’t know your love language, you can find out by taking this quiz. Make sure to have your partner take it too, so you can tailor the way you speak your love for them.
Jesse hasn’t always realized the importance of quality time rituals for their relationship. Jesse’s love language is words of affirmation, while Reece’s is quality time.
During the first few years of their relationship, Jesse gave specific words of appreciation to Reece every day. But Reece just wanted more of Jesse’s undivided attention. When they learned they liked to give and receive love in different ways, the couple began communicating better about what they needed and speaking each other’s love language. Giving quality time to your partner makes them feel valued, heard, and loved.
“If you don't share the same love language as your partner, don't be surprised if these efforts seem a little unnatural at first,” writes Sherri Gordon in “How the Quality Time Love Language Impacts Your Relationship.” “With time and effort though, you will be doing these things for your partner without a second thought.”
Ten easy ways to “speak” quality time
Gordon offers nine suggestions on how to devote quality time to your partner, and we’ve added a tenth:
Make eye contact
Use active listening
Set limits on technology
Focus on quality, not quantity
Make a plan
Develop a routine
Be present and available
Stay in the moment
Get creative
Have fun!
Now when Jesse makes a plan to carve out quality time for Reece, Reece makes a special effort to give Jesse plenty of words of affirmation. Now they know how to speak each other’s love language!
