Five ways to wake up your curiosity!
In Madeleine Holden’s article titled “The Depressing Phenomenon of Men Who Ask Their Dates No Questions,” she says, “They do, however, talk a lot about snowboarding, ‘Mad Men,’ Socrates, their own penises, Amnesty International, mushrooms, foot fetishes, monogamy, war, and trash bags.”
Holden interviewed more than 250 people whose male dates asked them zero questions. Zero.
Don’t be that person! Here’s the good news: you can wake up your curiosity.
What the research says
Psychotherapist Elise Franklin says narcissism is more common in men and women are trained to be people pleasers. This explains why men are less likely to ask questions.
Researchers at the Gottman Institute found that curiosity is one of the three keys to a strong relationship. “Deeper levels of connection are possible when you ask open-ended questions about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, etc.,” writes Dr. Robert Navarra. So how can you connect more deeply?
Watch out for roadblocks
Be loving, playful, and engaged when you ask your partner questions. Don’t interrogate them or make them feel uncomfortable.
Put it into practice
1. Ask about their day and be specific: This is a no-brainer! Instead of, “how was your day?” you can ask, “how was lunch with your boss?” If you’re curious, you’ll already know about that lunch beforehand.
2. Ask open questions. For example, “tell me about the high and low points of your day?” or “what did you find challenging at work today?” Let your partner talk.
3. Ask follow-up questions after they respond. Listen carefully and keep the conversation going. Stay engaged and avoid distractions.
4. Ask larger questions about life and current events. Ask what they think about what’s happening in the world, what they are looking forward to, how they’re feeling about your family, etc.
5. Use tools to amp up curiosity. You can find a wealth of open-ended questions on the Internet, like these ones.
We are not the same people as we were a year ago. Being continually curious about each other helps your relationship continue to blossom.
