Quality over Quantity! 

Actor Judith Light has a bicoastal marriage. She lives in New York City, while her husband Robert Desiderio lives in Los Angeles. They’ve been married for over 30 years. Robert tried to convince Judith to move to LA, but she didn’t want to live NYC. "I’m living in the city of my dreams, the city that I love." 

You can be sure when Judith and Robert see each other in person, they make the moments count. Many couples lead highly successful long-distance relationships. It works for some people! 

But you don’t have to be bicoastal to benefit from spending time apart. It can actually be great for your relationship, making the time you spend together that much more interesting and meaningful. 

What the research says 

Trina Dolenz, LCSW, author of Retool Your Relationship: Fix the One You're With, suggests that it’s all about moderation. "Most couples today do not spend enough time alone or with others or other pursuits," she says.  

When that happens, your spark might dim. When you are apart, you can bring new experiences and stories back into your relationship. It promotes curiosity because you have new things to talk about. Spending time with others or by yourself recharges each partner, revitalizing their time when they come back together as a couple. 

Putting it into practice 

Garett Coan, LCSW, owner of Creative Counseling, advises couples to spend 70% of their free time together and 30% apart. Some couples might choose to spend even more time apart, such as those with long-distance relationships. It’s up to you! 

One hour of romance, whether it’s a date, making love, or talking intimately about your week, can be worth more than four hours of time together vegging out in front of the TV. Make your moments together count!