Champion or monster? How to be curious about your partner’s goals and dreams 

Asia works in a dead-end job she hates. She dreads going to work each day and dreams of starting her own business. One day her partner Aliyah asks her what she’d rather be doing. When Asia shares her dream, Aliyah could respond in one of these ways: 

Option A: “That will never work. We don’t have enough money for you to quit your job and start your own business.” 

Option B: “Wow…that’s amazing! Let’s make a plan to help you make this a reality.” 

If she chooses Option A, she becomes what author Julia Cameron calls “the creative monster.” If she chooses Option B, she becomes Asia’s champion in pursuing her goals and dreams. 

Which do you want to be? 

What the research says 

Dr. John Gottman has found in his research that most relationship conflict comes from unfulfilled dreams. Partners can become frustrated or resentful toward each other when the other person does not respect or honor their hopes or dreams (when their partner is a creative monster). 

Roadblocks 

Yes, we know it might not always be easy to support your partner’s goals and dreams. What if you don’t have any savings and the thought of your partner becoming an acrobat terrifies you? It’s perfectly okay to have doubts and fears, but don’t share them with your partner…especially during the first conversation.  

If you are a creative monster, they will never forget it. Be as supportive as you can and work together as a team to come up with a plan. 

Putting it into practice 

Dr. Shruti S. Poulsen of Purdue University shares specific actions you can take to be curious about and support your partner’s goals and dreams. 

Be curious about and participate in your partner’s goals and dreams. When you are both fulfilled in life, your relationship will only become stronger!